When a tubby fellow - oops, revered leader - rose through the political ranks faster than, well, certain introduced plants do in our gardens, a number of inducements, promises, to wow us were/are offered.
|Winning fans ... Democratise, well, lower the price of coffee and win the love of rather a lot of the population in one go. Photo by Gian Cescon on Unsplash|
To see our smiles broaden and our faces light up, he promises to bring treats into our lives.
Only, suffering as he has of being the dearly loved spoilt brat of the rich, he can only try to imagine what we might want.
At least he’s trying – and how.
And how he will please us is to … well, first off, fill our streets with nice policemen.
(Don’t worry, only a few will carry canon-sized armaments.)
He’ll fatten up their pay-packets, and ensure they are well-heeled as they trounce cheerily about our neighbourhoods.
Of course, like the promise on the big red bus that toured UK offering milk and money, our good old NHS – those places where we queue for just a few hours to be seen once we have declared loudly our birth dates - will flow with hoot.
Poor old prisoners
Don’t think the fat lad has forgotten poor old prisoners doing their best to keep the jails relatively habitable.
A fortune will go to that department, too, with quite sufficient to keep the lads from even thinking of rioting - they won’t want to risk damaging the latest iPhones for all of them.
And schools, too, won’t be left out. Perhaps there will be enough for gold canes for whacking any disobliging pupils with Labour tendencies.
|Wooing the world ... The Independent newspaper announces the new PM's promises.|
Just in case it might help the fund-distributing plan, here’s an idea or two for the wish lists for the ordinary (non-fat cat) citizen:
What about nationalising Costa, Nero and Starbucks?
What about capping the price of cappuccino at 99p?
What about brightening the lives of the retired with an organisation of volunteer lovers?
How about changing the lives of so many women by banning menopause?
Any chance of decreeing that Aldi and Lidl prices must apply to all supermarkets?
All helpful ideas will be welcome here – and doubtlessly at number 10, too.
Thanks very much for visiting the mostly Tuesday and Thursday blogs for my adventure book, Sailing to Purgatory, which are introduced each time on Facebook Facebook dot com/Sailingtopurgatory and on Blogger,